False-Advertising at the YMCA

In an effort to stay out of the 99-degree heat and still get a workout in, I decided to try out a water aerobics class at my local YMCA today.

I looked online and read the class description for Just My Speed as "ideal for expectant mothers and those looking for a low-impact workout." Perfect... or so I thought.

I got to the Y about 15min before class was set to start. I wanted to allow ample time for mixing and mingling with all the other preggos who would be in the class. I had visions of talking doctors, registries, swollen ankles. And at the end of class, we would all be instant friends and decide to meet for regular lunch dates!

Unfortunately, as I snaked through the maze of the locker room and entered the pool area, the only women I saw were those women wearing swim caps in the first two lanes. Oh, and did I mention they were all over the age of 75? Yeah, there were no pre-menopausal women to be found. Where were all the preggos? Surely I was in the wrong pool. So, naturally, I turned around and decided to get clarification from the front desk.

Me (looking very eager and smiling): "Hi. I was wondering where the 9:15am water class is? The one called Just My Speed with Janet?"
Lady at the Y (staring me up and down): "Lane 1 of the pool. Weren't you just in there?"
Me: "Yes, but I didn't see any pregnant women."
Lady at the Y (now smirking): "It's not just for pregnant women. It's an open class."
Me (feeling like a supreme a-hole): "Oh. Thanks."

Since I didn't bring any regular workout clothes with me, I decided it would be better to try "Sweatin' to the Oldies" than go home and not get any exercise. So back into the pool I went, trying to conjure up some positive energy.

I was greeted by Janet, the instructor, who was so happy to have a newcomer in the class.
"We just love it when a mother-to-be joins us! Makes us all feel young again! Grab a noodle and go ahead in the pool. We'll get started in just a sec. I just need to get my 8-track loaded..."

Okay, so the part about the 8-track is an exaggeration, but you get how I felt. An hour of bouncing around the shallow-end wasn't exactly what I would call a workout. But hey, looking on the bright side, it was probably the only time in my life I could say I had the best bathing suit body of all the women around!